10 fears that keep us from what we want

Ask the Coach

By Marshall Brown, CPCC, President, Marshall Brown & Associates, Washington
published in AssociationTRENDS. reprinted with permission.

Fear often stands between us and our ability to make decisions, take actions, ask for what we want – even to know what we really want. It is the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. But as poet-philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.” Here are 10 fears that commonly get in our way.

1. Fear of being judged. Needing approval from family, peers, coworkers can keep us from going after dreams and goals.

2. Fear of rejection. Rejection just means that someone else has a different opinion.

3. Fear of emotional pain. Rather than incapacitate us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude.

4. Fear of embarrassment. Making mistakes publicly is awful only when we let ourselves feel ashamed.

5. Fear of being alone/abandoned. A strong sense of self-worth and what we can offer the world reduces this fear.

6. Fear of failure. A biggie for most of us and born of the notion that it’s not OK to fail.

7. Fear of success. More responsibility, more attention, pressure to perform can be frightening when we don’t believe in ourselves.

8. Fear of expressing feelings. An authentic life means being willing to express our true feelings to our loved ones, colleagues, adversaries – even ourselves.

9. Fear of intimacy. Emotional intimacy – really being seen by another – can be as scary as sexual intimacy.

10. Fear of the unknown. The unknown can be exciting and vast if we shift our fear to curiosity.

Confronting these fears isn’t always easy. They can be really tough “gremlins” whose voices are heard really clearly when we are faced with them. But we all have choices. We can choose to listen to them or we can choose not to listen. The brain doesn’t function in a way that knows right from wrong, bad or good. We tell our brains how to respond and then they respond.

So you do have a choice – my experience (and that of many of my clients) is that once these fears are confronted, you gain a whole new perspective and attitude on how exciting, challenging and fulfilling life can be. Wishing you the best in standing up to your fears – you can do it!

Marshall Brown, a certified career and executive coach, has always had a passion for helping people find ways to live more fulfilling lives. As a coach, Brown helps individuals to find their passions and encourages them to move ahead in reaching their goals. His book, High Level Resumes, reflects his successful work with hundreds of job candidates. Reach him at marshall@mbrownassociates.com.

Ask the Coach addresses questions and concerns of association professionals about their careers. Send your questions to marshall@mbrownassociates.com.

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